Internet Love - Announcement
GÕÐ Õƒ ÊŠHԣˊ was living in Colorada when he met Mars Bar™ in the Mardi Gras Chatroom. After talking for a few months he went to visit her in her home in Michigan on April 21, 2000 and has been there with her ever since. They found out on January 1 of this year that they are expecting a baby around August 31st, an edition to the Chathouse chatter family. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Who are you
Casting all away
through eyes that cannot see
All I do
Drifting with the currents
of the souls in me

Stay with me
Searching for the ends
of something Death's gone by
All will be
Questioned of the moonlight
in a starless sky

When a summer sunset
Lays its head down last
Winds will cross the valley
Leave a breath into the past

Who am I
Looking for the answers
Lacking all the clues
Days gone by
Waiting by the shadows
of the darker truths

Don't you fear
Awake and still you're sleeping
creep across the night
I'll be here
Holding onto to dreamscapes
on the edge of light

This just tells you how hard it is to be single nowadays... This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on September 7, 1999. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started.

Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the other side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and needed some assistance"!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal. Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

Rescue accomplished, they returned to the car although for the remainder of the trip home there wasn't much conversation and apparently, despite their "intimate encounter," the two did not see one another again. As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps that should be "pants down."

And you thought your first date was embarrassing! That gives a whole new definition to being "pissed off."

Do you have a worst first date or most embarrassing first date story to share? Write in and tell us about it ladygreeneyes_zine@hotmail.com and we will publish your story in an upcoming edition of the Zine.

OK, first just a few notes to help you through. Any thing in GREEN is a direct quote from another source. Any thing in RED Is my reply directly to that quote. White is white, and pretty much all me. *S* If you have any questions or comment, feel free to drop me a line at azhri@hotmail.com

Well it seems NASA is continuing to show good sense. I.E. there refusal to launch the Atlantis last Friday. I guess someone decided that launching on time wasn't worth the risk of loosing a 2 BILLION dollar spaceship, and a 1.4 billion dollar science lab for the ISS (International Space Station), not to mention the lives of the crew.

The federal government has been giving NASA a hard time of late to speed up, and there fore cut the price of, the ISS construction project.

Back on November 30, about 74 seconds after the Space Shuttle Endeavor lifted off ground control got a red light on there system check board. A pyrotechnic cartridge designed to separate the shuttle's left-hand SRB (solid Rocket Booster) from it's external tank failed to fire. Thankfully the back-up cartridge worked and the SRB separated cleanly, or we could have seen another Challenger like disaster.

Engineers subsequently traced the problem to a faulty cable designed to route critical computer commands to the pyrotechnic cartridge. Clear evidence of damage due to normal wear and tear had gone undetected during preflight inspections

The close call prompted extra inspections on separation system cables hooked up to Atlantis’ twin booster rockets, and the shuttle ultimately was cleared for a Jan. 3 move to launch pad 39A.

At the same time, though, exhaustive inspections of all separation system cables in NASA’s inventory were being conducted. Four faulty cables subsequently were discovered during those inspections, raising new concerns about the integrity of Atlantis’ separation system.

Like the cables on Atlantis, the suspect quartet from stock inventory had passed X-ray examinations. The inventory cables, however, failed extra tests designed to simulate the ability to relay crucial separation commands when the wiring is subjected to launch-like vibrations.

The Atlantis cables, meanwhile, had not been put through the extra "wiggle tests," which call for the wires to be jerked from side to side and up and down while electrical power is being transmitted through them.

And that fact raised red flags with many within NASA’s shuttle program.

"We could not get comfortable with the fact that what we had at the pad had not been [put through wiggle tests]," NASA shuttle program manager Ron Dittemore said.

I know it sounds silly, but can you think of a better way to test 'em

Unfortunately this sounds to me like NASA has been doing a mediocre job, at best, of keeping it's equipment up. So here is another point in favor of moving the space exploration/exploitation in to the hands of private industry. Because we all know that a Company running the shuttle would not take even the slightest chance of losing a 2 billion dollar investment, where as the Government, while doing the right thing in postponing the launch, apparently needs to work on it's safety check protocols. But then again, technically speaking, YOU should perform a safety check on your car every time you prepare to drive it. Check the tires, the lights, wiper, and such. But do you? I know I don't. But if my car cost 2 billion dollars, I just might be a little more careful.

At the stage we're at now, we can't really afford to have another space disaster, which could potentially spell the end of the space program, or at least set it back several years. Because space really is The Final Frontier. With a world population of over 6 billion, we need, desperately, to find room to expand. Yet it's also important to preserve the earth. No matter what strides we might make in terraforming other worlds, or building bases on the moon. Earth is, and always will be the Home of the human race.

Horoscopes 
By Texas Storm

January 22 - 28

Taurus April 20 - May 20
The blame for last week's sea monkey fiasco, as it's come to be known, falls squarely upon your shoulders.
You also get the blame for leaving the milk out on the counter overnight, leaving a nice sludgy warm mass of stuff in a bottle. You get this blame angrily, as well, as the bottle falls squarely on the shoulders of a friend digging through your cupboards (avoiding the illicit and uncalled for use of the word/noun 'drawers') looking for a new bin liner.

Leo July 23 - August 22
Practice brand awareness by visiting your local Shoppe's this week and seeing how many different labels you can identify.
If it's less than 50 go out the following day and try again until you wind up having to visit one of those 80's nostalgia t-shirt Shoppe's to get the required 50 labels.

Virgo August 23 - September 22
Cardboard is possibly one of this century's greatest inventions.
Make sure your hair is done up properly on Thursday for a visit from the Queen.
Ah, right, the stars also predict that the Queen will be visiting you on Thursday.

Gemini May 21 - June 20
Gargantuan Gerbils from Hungary (in the failed alliteration) seem to have inhabited your favorites word processing program this week.
And they are adamant you not write your story/memo depicting gerbils or hamsters in a demeaning or otherwise derogatory light.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
You have lost your socks this week.
Mercury, trying to be helpful, says that he knows where they are, but after looking about for a few moments after the bold proclamation, has to admit that he was just trying to be helpful and really has no idea whatsoever where your socks are, nor what it was, when he offered, you'd lost.

Cancer June 21 - July 22
The word proclamation always reminds you of Clay-mation, and those wonderful California Gallstones or whathaveyou that made such an impression on the culture back in the 80s or somewhere in there.

Pisces February 19 - March 20
A boating trip will bring much joy and prosperity.
A skiing trip will bring sorrow, pestilence and destruction to the Western Hemisphere.
Plan your week accordingly.

Aries March 21 - April 19
Why is it I can never get through Aries' horoscope without resorting to wine, women, song, or hard drugs?
Possibly because, in the lesser known Spanish pantheon of gods, Aries was the god of petulance and being difficult. And wine, women, and song, and hard drugs.

Libra September 23 - October 22
You will find yourself explaining the physics behind water heaters this week to complete strangers.
This comes about when you find yourself held hostage by a madman who's captured the Eiffel Tower and is holding it for ransom and decides to hide all his hostages in the Eiffel Tower's water heater.
Maybe you're best off not visiting the Eiffel Tower this week.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21
You have no horoscope.
Oh wait, hadn't that been rectified?
Well, it turns out your waking up in the Amazon with four legged furry things sitting on your head, the lawyers, washing business, and recent Siege of the Horoscopal Board of Integrity and Spatial Awareness may all have been a dream.
You wake up on Tuesday with a strange empty feeling in the pit of your stomach and when you check in the mirror you notice that your horoscope, which you'd usually hang on your ear when you went to sleep, is gone!

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
What you thought was a two p coin will turn out to be a long lost copy of the Magna Charta!
You need to get your eyes checked.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18
You will feel just like Fred Astaire this week.
In the middle of one of those kicks around the lamppost you'll bring serious harm to yourself or passersby and maybe a lamppost. Or is that Gene Kelly? Either way, people are going to get hurt for no good reason.

Morbis

1. Handles that you chat under. Pagan, King Thorn, Morbid Saint, SAint, Morbis

2. How did you decide on the handle (s)? Friends gave me a nickname Saint, and said I was Morbid. the rest are just from people messing up my handle

3. Location: Toronto Ontario

4. Information on chatting: For about 6 years, at first in Gargoyle Watch, then the Castle

5. Age and Zodiac Sign: 20, my Sign is Libra (Thanks Shadow Moon)

6. Marital Status. unknown *L*

7. Kids: None that I know of (I could be wrong) *L*

8. Pets: 6 cats, 5 dogs, 1 sparrow, 2 pigions, 1 rat, 2 chincillas, and a few pet Spiders.

9. Profession (or career you plan on entering):A computer Technologist

10. Hobbies and Interests Computers, Millitary Weapons, Throwing knifes, and Video games.

11. Music Preferences. Anything that has a good beat.

12. Pet Peeves People who lie, cheat, and steal from and to me. people who think that they are better than everyone. and many more.

13. A favorite Motto or Quote to live by. No Regret, No Remorse.

14. Anything else that you'd like people to know about you? *S* I'm Perfectly insane.

15. Changes or improvements that you'd like to see at the Chathouse™. to turn the Gargoyal Watch back to Registered chat, and leave it that way. also get rid of the jerks

We've had a GREAT INTERVIEWS so far.. *S* What can you do to top em? *G* *Strips nakes and does a little dance*

Handles that you chat under….. Wiseguy

How did you decide on the handle (s)?….. I'm a jackass, nuff said

Location….. California (LA)

Information on chatting.. *L* How long have you been chatting and which rooms do you normally chat in, etc... Chatter over 3 years now off and on. Only go into Diner more often than not due to being banned and hated in every other room (oh wait, that's the Diner too).

Age and Zodiac Sign.. *L* Ladies.. you don't have to be real specific here.. *L* ….. Going to be 30 years old (male menopause) and a Sagittarius

Marital Status… Chronically single

Kids…. None that I know of (which is kinda depressing because I don't know if my "boys" can swim or not-and "no", the "boys" reference is not to kids--if you can't it figure it out, I feel for you, honestly).

Pets…. Fish (saltwater tank)

Profession.. If in school.. Profession that you plan to go into…… Screenwriter

Hobbies and Interests….. Stripping for blind women, making fun of everyone including myself, getting rejected every weekend from groups of different women, manipulating gullible people, and traveling (had to throw a plain one in there)

Music Preferences… Anything but former Disney singers and very old country people.

Pet Peeves….. Stupid people, soap opera fans, traffic, big belt buckles, anything made by Fruit of the Loom

A favorite Motto or Quote to live by…. "I remember the days when cigarettes were a $1.10 and women were a dime a dozen."

Anything else that you'd like people to know about you? *S* … I think I'm Billy Crystal's illegitimate son (or at least that's what this drunk on Sunset told me one night).

Changes or improvements that you'd like to see at the Chathouse™….. I have a couple:

- Banning must be gone (censorship sucks)

- Spelling test to be required of all new chatters (less people, but better English to be read)

- Less HTML crap (colored font, italicizing, whatever)

- All female users that are under a size 10 must reveal their measurements

~Chat Dominatrix~

Did you know how they know?

After reading some emails, forums and talking to alot of chatters on this subject, I thought it time to mention a few things in here. Hopefully I can ease the mind of some, help some realize just how much information they unknowingly gave out freely about themselves, and to show the bullshitting "hackers" in here to be the lying fools they are!

I.P. numbers!
An I.P. is a number assigned to you by your server each time you log online.
These are the numbers after your handle that you see. But while chatting in the Chathouse, is not your real I.P. number, but instead a set of numbers scrambled by the Chathouse to protect you from such would be trouble.
Anyone in the Chathouse claiming to be able to 'unscramble' your I.P number due to a program they made, or what ever other bullshit they've come up with is most likely lying thru their fingers!
It would be almost impossible to build a program that could 'unscramble' these numbers due to the fact that they are scrambled, pretty much in the same way lotto is played, the computer just randomly picks a number to be assigned to a real number. And by the time someone could get anywhere with the unscrambling, the Chathouse, with a click of a button or two re-scrambles them all over again!  So Please realize that chatting in here is actually one of the safer places you can be, ((I.P. wise))  if you would learn to be more self conscious about that info you freely hand out to others in here! If you still feel uneasy about the I.P. number topic and chatting, another thing you can do is to register! This eliminates even the scrambled I.P.'s from your handle!
Email
One of the un-safest places for you to be! Too many of you do not clean up jokes or other emails before forwarding.  And by clean up I mean erase all email addy's on the letter before you forward it on to someone else! The easiest way to do this, if you're unsure what all to delete, is simply  highlight and copy what in the email you would like to forward, open up a new mail to compose and paste it! It's that simple! And if  your sending it to more than one person, BCC all the addy's!!  This is another simple step you can do to protect your friends. Simply type in the addy's in the BCC field  or if  using an address book, click on their addy and instead of clicking on to simply click on BCC.
This is a way to keep everyone's email address from getting into the hands of people you don't even know. And being that too many of you shockingly have your full names in your email, you need to be extra careful with cleaning these emails up! And the next time you open up your email, it would be a very wise thing to go into your preferences or settings and get your full name out of there!!!
If this is done, then the only things left for anyone to get from your email is your I.P. number. And This can also be remedied by using a proxy email service. Most servers offer them, simply call, or email your server and ask if they are one of them! ~S~ And if not, there are numerous different types of proxy emails online that can be obtained for a small and well worth it yearly fee!
Instead of emailing with fellow chatters in the Chathouse there are a couple of options you will find on the Features Page, here you have access to the Chathouse Message Center as well as Anon-E-Mail, both of which allow you to communicate with other chatters by Handle only and protects your I.P. and real email information.
 Homepages 
Do you remember the information that you used to get your web page started?  Your Name, City, State, maybe even your real name, or date of birth?  All of this information can be found by others.
Now open up your Homepage and re-read thru the whole thing. Most after having your page for over a year become pretty good with the building of it and the posting of different things on it. What you don't realize is that you also become lax in being careful of posting personal information. Did you post your age? What about your home town?. Did you mention your brother or sister's name or hubby's? Do you know how many of you mention your Children's name in these pages? Pages viewed by anyone that chats here, or by anyone that simply does a search on your handle, or a topic that your H.P. may be found under? Re-look at your guest book, how many of your friends mentioned  personal info about you or themselves, that any asshole chatter in your room can use?
ICQ 
Another place where your real I.P. number can be found if the right preferences aren't checked, and another place where alot have their full names, city and state even zip code posted! Get into the preferences and get this changed!!
Your Room
This is where the most information is given out. This is where chatters are wished Happy Birthday, and where they comfort a friend when hubby Billy Bob or boyfriend Bob Billy is acting like a jerk, This is where congratulations are given by friends when you got the job at Billy & Bobs law firm, or when you passed the finals at Billy & Bobs College.
((getting my point here?))
Most of the time when chatting amongst friends, we don't think about all we are chatting about and mentioning in public for all in the room to see and later use against us. And it's sad that we have to! But until some of these people that have nothing better to do with their time than sit in a room with hidden handles waiting on clues or facts to be mentioned, like some fish out of water lays waiting for some rain, we have to be more careful about what we say and who we say it to! So while we are waiting for these 'fish' to find a lake to jump into, don't forget to check the ignore option and check it often! ~L~
And should some fool come in and speak of how he got this info, and what a great hacker they are, check the ignore next to their handle too. But not before you have a good laugh at the fool they are making of themselves! 
The Dominating Click!
Any further questions on this topic, email in, and I'll mention them next week ~S~

ChatDominatrix@hotmail.com 

 Chathouse News

The RantMaster's Theater
The RantMaster has been in the process of building a new website for his rants. So stop by and take a peek at the new place, and if you click on 'pics'  inside the Theater picture, you'll be able to finally see what our one and only RantMaster looks like!! But don't get your hopes up too high ladies ~S~ Though his rants are in endless supply to all, his heart isn't.

And before the rumors start or is that start spreading further? I have been reassured by My2cents that he does not worship the devil, Though he does claim to play 'devil's advocate' from time to time, just to see if RantMaster is paying attention.   

Added  Quote 
 anony mouse~ sent in the winning quote to be added this week, which is:
"Cause I'm the MOM & I said so..." 

To submit your favorite quote, joke, license plate or motto for a chance to win and be added to the Random Quotes, email it in, along with your handle to,

ChatDominatrix@hotmail.com

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