Real Life or Cyber Life

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"REAL LIFE "CHATTING ADVICE:

Dear Readers,
Anyone chatting will hear the term *Real Life* or *Cyber Life*. If we are chatting on the net, are we not in a *Real Life*? Would I have married a man I met in a chat room if it wasn't real? Since I discovered happiness online, I am frequently asked questions concerning this *New Age* concept. I have compiled a few tips and ideas on how to detect the *players* from those really looking for a relationship. But first a bit about myself.
I was encouraged to go online to better keep me in touch with events as I worked as a reporter. I got my first 486 computer thinking this would be for research only. However, my daughter urged me to use the Chathouse to meet her friend's mother. I thought she was nuts. How could you have a friend in another state, and know them only by typing? To humor her, I began chatting with, Little Bit of Heaven. A half hour of chatting in Last Call, became an hour and then hours. We had so much in common. We chatted about our lives, our hopes, our dreams, our grown kids living at home and the problems and joys of having grandchildren. At times we chatted all night long only to have to go to work and then rush home to chat some more. One by one I started meeting people and anticipating chatting with them.
My online time made me aware of how much I had missed: I met people from all over the world, learned of their government, their life style, their family and soon realized I had the opportunity, if I could ever afford to travel, to never pay a motel bill again. I had made chatfriends in every area I ever hoped to visit. Chatting even helped me leave an unhappy marriage.
I was not married to a bad person, he was a good man; I just did not love him and I realized I wanted more out of my life. At almost 50 I wanted to live before I died. I had been somebody's wife or mother since I was 17 years old and I never really took the time for ME. I needed this for ME. I deserved it for ME. I filed for divorce, and moved to Florida with the help of a Chathouse friend.
Now I was on the net as a single woman, alone for the first time in my life. I made up my mind to always be honest, never pretend to be something I was not. Since I was honest I had to make sure those I was talking to also were honest. I was very fortunate, I was able to determine the difference. This is what I learned:

If they sound too good to be true-they probably are.

If they are going to meet you on line and they do not show up, and this happens more than a couple of times, ask yourself, are they really single?

After a time of chatting and you have not exchanged phone numbers, there may be a reason. A number may not be given out because they do not live alone.

If they go on and on about how good looking they are, how much money they have, how hard they work, but are on line all day long, BINGO this could be a warning they are not all they say

Watch their interaction in the room Are they moody , hostile, rude, shy, silent? Do they offer anything in the interaction of the chatters? All these are signs of what they are when you meet them.

When you start chatting you need to pick your handle carefully. Your handle will determine the type of people you attract. If your only reason to go on line is to get a cheap sexual thrill then by all means come in the room as *I want you bad baby*.

I chose the name Gazzer, I did not come on line to be suggestive, to meet someone (or so I thought) or to encourage suggestive people to come in my Private Message box. I did not care if they were male or female, what color their skin was, how much money they made, the kind of car they drove. I wanted to surround myself with positive, witty, kind people who could share and laugh with me. Once you meet someone and feel you share interests, be careful. Listen to your inner voice, and trust your instincts. Never make excuses for them and never allow yourself to believe their excuses. As trust builds, slowly release information about yourself. Do not send lots of pictures right away. Especially any suggestive pictures to an unknown person. Do not be afraid to ask questions. My husband and I spent a lot of time with questions and answers.
I would ask him his views on say abortion, he would answer, I would combat. We did this on many issues to see where our differences were and if we could accept them. My husband is a history buff, I never was, being much more interested in current events. Could we accept that with each other? Sure, he watches the history channel, I chat...works for me! *LOL*
Try to meet your potential love as soon as possible after you realize you think you are in love or falling in love. No sense in wasting a year chatting only to find out you do not like a bald head, or a fat belly. And never involve your children until you are sure of your relationship. Children are too easily hurt. Especially if children are missing a father or a mother and hoping for a miracle.
I got to know my husband so well that when we met, I could have picked him out in a crowd. As with Little Bit of Heaven,there were no surprises for either of us. Why? Because we were honest with each other. He never disappointed me. It was love at first sight and that has not changed. Yes we have had some adjustments.
I had to get used to 3 cats. I hated having to give up the side of the bed I was used to sleeping on. We get into it over Clinton. I find his actions horrible. My husband thinks Americans were too involved and it should never have been made into such a fuss. I love liver, he cannot stand to smell it cooking in the house. We have the same adjustments any other married couple would have. However, I feel we have the upper hand because we really got to know the inner person online without appearances getting in the way.
We included our Chathouse friends in our wedding and some traveled to Canada to be with us on our day. All our friends now, are those we met together on line. I will always be grateful to Chathouse for the structure of their room. The way in which they try to accommodate us and the improvements they are continuing to make. I have tried many other chatsites, but continue coming back. I encourage each and everyone of you to write to them of suggestions and stories you have to let them know the valuable free service they are providing to us. This opens the world for all of us to find friends, meet people, find love or travel the world in the comfort of our own home.

More Thoughts
As in real life, caution should be taken in online meetings. Sometimes just trusting yourself and your instincts is just not enough. If you are traveling out of your hometown for your meeting, take a friend or family member with you. As a rule you would not meet a blind date or first date at a motel in a town where you do not know anyone, why would you meet an on line friend there?
When establishing a friendship use your mind. Look at the interaction they have with other chatters. Get to know them and what they stand for.
As in life, chatters can also fool you. Some come in the room as a way for some free sex, in cyber and real life. Some are hoping for you to send money to them and believe me there are plenty of chatters that fall into that trap of sending money. Once they receive the money or the well dries up they will change their handle and begin chatting with someone else in the hopes of getting more.
I do not know about other rooms but Last Call is very serious of not wanting to chat with those under 18 years of age. Think carefully of being suggestive with minors in any room. Much attention is now being placed on internet stalking of minors and officials of the government monitor rooms. We never know when they may be in a room, nor does Chathouse. With summer near, we will have an influx of children playing on their parents computers and coming in our adult rooms. This is something we all need to be aware of. The best way to get rid of them is to turn their handle and number into Chathouse and do not encourge them. Ignore their posts and soon they will leave the room.
Most of us are blessed with some common sense. While chatting kick your common sense into high gear. There are many wonderful people in the chat world, but along with the great people are the idiots that we all meet on occasion. If they appear to be a loser online I can promise you, they will be a loser in person as well. Until Next Time

Life, Love and Marriage on the Internet
Oh what complicated lives we can lead. I suppose we all live in our country and just feel we are one huge universe and love will conquer all. When in love, finding your life mate, soul mate or friend we do not see the border. I lived my life really not giving those lines a thought in the world. I suppose because we are free to marry anyone, one would just assume you can be and stay together. Well folks, Freedom is not Free, Love is not Free, Immigration is not Free and nothing in this process is easy.
I write to open your eyes and to make the chatters aware of some of the complications. Only the strongest of relationships and love can survive the many complications of Immigration. I lived my life thinking if you were open and honest with people you would win in the end. I have since realized that with Immigration that is very hard to do. No matter how honest you are with them, they make you feel like you are lying. Let us take Canada vs US for instance. It is illegal to cross either border with the INTENT to immigrate. Both countries want you to complete all paperwork BEFORE crossing the border. That process can take a very long time. Once the paper work has started, neither country will allow you to cross back and forth. I suppose their fear is you will not return. Both countries want to make sure you are not marrying for a green card in the US or the Medical coverage in Canada. Both situations seem so VERY stupid to me. Many Americans work for poverty wages in the states. The myth that all Americans are rich and living in the land of milk and honey is just plain wrong. The myth that Canadian health coverage is the be all of health is just that , myth. With Canada and United States sharing borders it makes no sense to keep us apart but yet every step of the way, that is just what the countries are doing to married couples.
Unless you are able to gain access by jumping off a boat, be prepared for a long process, with fee after fee. Immigration is not for the working class people. It is for the impoverished or the very rich. Our life has been a nightmare for over a year and it continues now. First, we had Canadian Immigration to deal with, who eventually forced me to return to the United States over a urinary tract infection I was unable to get cured in time, and now we face American Immigration who can send my husband back to Canada as we were unable to follow proper procedure due to my illness.
Before you enter into a relationship please read the laws, study all you can, follow every procedure you can and if possible, hire an immigration attorney to intervene for you. When hiring an attorney make sure he or she is qualified to advise you of the proper procedures. The wrong attorney can cause you more problems than no attorney at all.
Feel free to contact me anytime you have a question. The one thing I have become an expert at, is where to go for the answers. Even if they are not the answers you want to hear.
Our future is uncertain at this point. So difficult to build a life when daily you fear INS coming to take you away. Immigration issues are complicated, costly, and uncertain at best.